This Life.

I feel like this life has so much to offer. Every single living breathing human being has energy they transfer to others just by existing. I guess because of the life I've lived, I know how much a simple smile can effect one person's day. Or the way a "Hey! How are you doing?" can change one's day completely. I feel like lately I've been a little out of touch with life..with the light anyone can offer me. I've grown darker, and I don't even mean to. I'm a woman...so this feeling means I'm being dramatic and hormonal? I disagree. I do not believe that because I love human beings for all that they are...even if I pass unjust judgments on them at a subconscious level...that I am overzealous about the feelings I get. It isn't fair to assume the worst about me. Even my 'bestfriends' know nothing about me...and you know its wrong when they make you feel worse than your darkest dreams. There are so many people out there that want to cloud your happiness...that want to make your vision clouded so as to prevent you from progressing to the level of happiness that is definitely achievable for you. I often ask myself why its that way...why these people are so set on ruining me. I understand now. Its my challenge in life. As if the past wasn't enough of a challenge...and the pretty recent has been out of control as well. I have to face people at their worst. I love them..I want them to love me. To accept me. I expect it to be easy. I am always expecting the best out of my piers. I always assume that because I can love so easily, that others around me can do the same. Untrue. I don't think anything could be more false if it purposely failed a lie detector test. Its disheartening to know that a common love, that SHOULD be the easiest thing to give, is the hardest thing to receive in return. I always thought that when you loved loudly, that anyone hearing the message would HAVE to return in a sense. I guess this life has more lessons to offer me than I allow myself to believe. I've been lacking creativity, lately. Perhaps that is why I feel so sullen...so down. Perhaps that is why, when you look at me, you're afraid to love me because I look like love is impossible. Do I overuse love? Probably. And I hope so. I deserve to. Everyone needs love. I suppose my lesson is that no matter what, I should love everyone, even if I get the deepest hate back sometimes. I've been walked all over, betrayed, lied to, hurt, and all of the above..by people I thought were my BEST of the best friends. I also have to learn that not everyone, although they can be loved, cannot be trusted. Let's be honest.